Every journey with choosing how and when to plan a funeral is different, so it’s important to take time and sit with what feels right for you. Remember, you don’t have to do things one way just because they’ve always been done that way.
If you’ve landed on this page it means you might have just lost someone. We’re so sorry for your loss. We wrote this guide to help walk you through what your next steps might look like and the decisions you’ll need to make. If it would be easier to have a person walk you through all the following information, our staff can be reached at 615-854-0010—or you can press the contact us button.
Funeral planning can be an overwhelming task, especially if a death is sudden or unexpected, but it doesn’t have to be a source of pain or anxiety. Knowing what to do after a death occurs can feel like huge steps in the midst of grief, so it’s important to be gentle with yourself as you move through them.
If you have no idea where to start in the funeral planning process, here are a few helpful ways to navigate planning a funeral that is meaningful for you and your loved ones.
Go Slow
Following a death, it can feel as if there are a thousand things to handle. However, it’s crucial that you take the time you need. When someone dies their body does not need to be taken or moved right away.
Whether they are in a hospital, under hospice care, or at home, you can take the time you need to be with the body of your loved one. It’s okay to tell a nurse/doctor/social worker that you want some time to sit and be with a person before you do anything else.
Choose a Funeral Home
After you’ve taken the time you need, the first step is to choose a funeral home you’d like to work with–one with whom you feel seen, heard, and respected. Most families we serve find the simple care and support of a funeral home essential, as Larkspur does not provide transportation and care of the body prior to disposition, we simply provide the final resting place for the body or the ashes.
It can be helpful to call at least three different funeral homes to get a better sense of pricing, as well as how they talk to you and guide you through the process. Ask yourself:
- Are they being transparent with necessary information and guided steps?
- Are they trying to sell me something I’m not interested in, or charging more than other funeral homes for the same service?
- Are they rushing me through the process, or are they listening to my needs and desires?
Let your intuition be your guide, and know that you don’t have to settle with a funeral home that doesn’t feel right to you. One size does not fit all when it comes to planning a funeral. Your approach and arrangements can be as rare and unique as the person who is being honored.
Body Disposition Options
After deciding on a funeral home and having them take possession of your loved one’s body, the next step is to reflect on what that person wanted done with their body. The main options available are conventional burial with a vault and embalming, cremation, and green burial. People choose to do different things with their bodies, and there is no one right thing to do.
For someone who wants each of their kids to be able to do something meaningful with their remains individually, cremation might feel right. For those wanting to have a positive impact on the planet or are wanting a more affordable burial option, a natural (green) burial might be the right choice. If you choose the latter, at Larkspur we have step-by-step instructions on the process that are there to help relieve any anxiety that comes with not knowing what to do next when planning a funeral. Our natural burial guides walk alongside the family with every step so we can be on your page, and not the other way around.
Whatever you choose, know that it is your choice. If you start down one path and feel that it might not be right for you, it is absolutely okay to look around and choose another option. Remember: the choice doesn’t have to be rushed. Slowing down in those moments of grief to really take inventory of what you truly want can be an incredibly healing part of the grieving process. Every journey with choosing how and when to plan a funeral is different, so it’s important to take time and sit with what feels right for you.
Decide on Funeral Service Details
Now that you’ve decided what you’re going to do with your loved one’s body, it’s time to choose what kind of funeral service feels right to you and your people. The easiest way to narrow down what you want and don’t want is to let questions guide you. Here are some that can jump start your funeral planning:
- Would you like a celebration of life gathering in addition to a graveside service?
- Are there any formal services you think would be meaningful: religious, military, or fraternal?
- How many people would you like to be there?
- Would you like to include any specific readings, poetry, or music? If so, what are they?
- Would you like there to be a moment of silence? Would you like there to be dedicated time for sharing stories?
- Do you want an officiant? Would you rather let those assembled lead themselves? Or perhaps, a mix of both?
An officiant is not necessary, but they can be helpful in organizational processes and relieving anxiety around planning a funeral. Sometimes people choose a friend or family member they trust, sometimes they find a clergy member or spiritual leader, and sometimes people prefer an interfaith chaplain who can meet them wherever they are. If you choose to have an officiant, make sure they are comfortable with listening to your needs and wants when it comes to what to include and not include.
When we say the possibilities are endless when it comes to funeral services, we really mean it! At Larkspur, we’ve seen full, liturgical funeral masses; we’ve seen people sitting around a grave swapping funny stories; we’ve seen a brass band leading a “second line” style parade away from a grave; and we’ve seen families and friends sweetly singing Rocky Top to send their loved one off.
The beautiful thing about funerals is that they are as different as people are. We consider it an honor to help people create and hold funeral services that make them feel held.
If you’re interested in learning more about planning your burial and funeral at Larkspur, please contact us. Our staff would be more than happy to walk you through every step of the process.