Many times families go around the Thanksgiving table and say one thing out loud they are thankful for that year. With graveside memorials, you get the opportunity to transform what family traditions look like for you.
Grieving the loss of a family member is difficult, and coping with that grief around holidays can be especially hard. While everyone else might be giddy with excitement over turkey and dressing, you might be thinking of the empty chair at your table this holiday season. Heightened grief around holidays is normal. As you journey through feelings of missing your loved one this holiday season, know that you are not alone. Thanksgiving traditions that once were standard won’t quite be the same as before, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make new traditions that include and honor those who have passed away.
If you’re wondering where to start, or how to create new traditions that honor a loved one who’s passed away, here are a few meaningful graveside traditions that can be done at Larkspur Conservation this Thanksgiving.
Ditch the Turkey Trot and Do a Memorial Hike Instead
Getting out of the house and moving your body is a great way to work up an appetite on Thanksgiving Day. It’s also a great way to honor a loved one who’s died. Visiting the grave of someone you love can be a meaningful way to observe the holiday. So, in place of participating in the yearly turkey trot this year, it might feel good to organize a memorial hike to your loved one’s graveside instead.
This hike is a way to get out of your head and into your body–to visit the burial site of someone you love, while also allowing the landscape to help hold the grief you might keep inside you this time of year. At our preserve at Taylor Hollow, a memorial hike on or around Thanksgiving Day is a beautiful way to spend the afternoon. The fallen leaves at your feet become a carpet, the last leaves of fall above spin brightly in the breeze. It’s a time when you can feel the world around you reaching for stillness, and in this stillness know that your loved one’s remains are resting alongside the beauty of nature.
This hike can become a new family tradition, and ultimately transform the ways your family brings those who are no longer with you into the future of Thanksgiving events.
Memorialize Them with a Graveside Toast
Once you’ve hiked into the preserve, spending quality time as a family around the grave of your loved one can feel incredibly meaningful as part of your holiday gatherings. Whether you bring a bottle of water, yummy apple cider, or a thermos of hot chocolate, toasting to the memory of your loved one is a great way to start a new Thanksgiving tradition. Warm drinks on a fall day can feel especially soothing whether it’s sunny or not as you bring this Thanksgiving tradition away from the table and out into the open to include those you miss.
Toast to your loved one’s memory and take in the natural world around you. Sip and share stories that you remember about your loved one from Thanksgivings in the past. Bring your loved one’s favorite snack or dessert (pumpkin pie, anyone?) and enjoy it while being in the presence of your loved one’s spirit out in the wild of our nature preserve.
With every sip you take and laugh you share at this memorial picnic, feel the warmth of their spirit and know their legacy lives on through you. By bringing the tradition of a Thanksgiving toast to the graveside, you can re-shape what quality time looks for holidays in the future.
Write a Gratitude Letter, Then Read It Graveside
One tradition that honors both your grief, as well as honors your loved one who’s died, is to write a letter of gratitude and read it out-loud around their grave. Many times families will go around the Thanksgiving table and say one thing they are thankful for this time of year. With this new tradition, you get the opportunity to say out loud all the things you’ve realized you’re thankful for about the person who is no longer with you—things you might not have realized before they died.
As the months and years pass, people often find new moments of remembrance to be grateful for, or realizations of gratitude for something the deceased might have taught or instilled. Sharing these letters of gratitude aloud around the graveside is a profound way to speak all the things that might have been left unsaid, as well as a way to say thank you in new ways for moments or new realizations you might hold near and dear.
Create or Arrange a Thanksgiving Bouquet
This time of year we have many families ask what kind of Thanksgiving memorials they can leave at their loved one’s grave, as our nature preserve code of conduct does not allow certain items to be left. However, there are so many cut flowers you CAN leave at the grave that a homemade Thanksgiving bouquet is always a great option!
Roses, mums, sunflowers, cone flowers and zinnias are wonderful choices this time of year, as the colors look beautiful against the fall backdrop with the bright reds, oranges, and yellows of the autumnal season. We don’t allow pumpkins to be left on graves, as deer will eat them and scatter their seeds. Seedheads and seedpod grains, like wheat or lotus, are not allowed for the same reason; the seeds will scatter and grow, which competes with our native plant and wildflower species. However, the many kinds of blossoms you can choose from this time of year are virtually endless and gives a more personal touch than buying a pre-made fancy bouquet wrapped in plastic!
We always suggest going to a local florist like Lillian’s Floral Studio or a grocery store like Trader Joes and buying a few kinds of cut flowers, then removing the plastic and making your own design that feels as unique and rare as the person you’re honoring. You can save a flower or two from this bouquet to take back to your Thanksgiving table so both you and your loved one can share in the beauty of the natural world.
If you’d like to speak to someone about other graveside memorials or rituals to honor your loved one this holiday season, please contact us. Our interfaith chaplain would love to talk about what might be most meaningful to you and your family.